Veep Liveblog

Oh, what the hell.

8:16 – Biden: Barack Obama will never raise taxes on anyone ever. Almost. McCain is middle-class-hating shill for megawealthy.

8:18 – Palin: Higher taxes not patriotic, Biden. Government off our snow machines! I did a good job remembering talking points about McCain’s health care tax credit plan! Budget-neutral: I can say it!

8:19 – Biden: Scranton, reprezent. Redistribution isn’t if you don’t call it that. Fairness! Health care, blah blah Bridge to Nowhere.

8:21 – Biden: How to save? Screw foreign assistance, tax cuts for rich, can’t “slow up on” stuff that’s the “engine”, like subsidies for the energy companies we’re not going to give tax cuts to. Tax havens unpatriotic!

8:23 – Palin: Dems are flipfloppers. In Alaska I wrestled oil companies, and bears! I had to undo Obama’s screw ups. Hey, I have no specific positions, so I’m just gonna do what’s right.

8:24 – Biden: McCain against counterproductive tax policies for energy companies. Shame!

8:26 – Palin: Johhny Mac does what’s right, too.

8:27 – Biden: Obama all over subprime before subprime cool.

Oh my god, I’m so bored.

8:29 – Palin: I’ll talk about what I want! Energy independence! East Coast politicians want ragheads to get rich and not Alaskans. Drill baby drill! Destroying the web of international economic interdependence America’s future.

8:31 – Palin: Extemp grammar weird. Global warming. Yeah, we’ve got glaciers in Alaska, so we need to pay more for energy by subsidizing the same energy companies I had to wrestle like polar bears.

8:32 – Biden: Global warming totally manmade. I know. I made it. By Talking. BO likes clean coal and safe nuclear. China: Dirty dirty coal. Give em our tech. McCain hates environment because he opposes causing hunger in third world children by subsidizing corn. Drilling won’t get us anywhere until 10 years, as if prices don’t reflect expectations of future production.

8:34 – Palin: YES! DRILL BABY DRILL. Biden, you’re full of shit.

8:36 – Biden: McCain voted 20 times against ethanol, etc. which is evil. Benefits for teh gays!

8:37 – Palin: Don’t redefine “marriage”! But, hey, consenting adults can dip their wick in whatever they dig. Love me some tolerance. Basically, I like teh gays, too, but need to spout party line.

8:38 – Biden: We don’t want to redefine marriage either!

8:40 – Biden: Petraus is a god. SURGE! It works! Spitting Biden’s words in face. Obama IS dangerous. Everybody hates quitters.

8:41 – Biden: You don’t have a plan. Timeline. McCain voted against something Obama voted against for a completely differenet reason, so they’re the same. McCain wants to fight the war forever.

8:42 – Palin: You guys are pussies. Obama can’t admit surge works. We’re done when Iraq can run itself, and the pros will let us know. Biden, you were a suck-up to McCain, and said that BO not ready, and I know you believe it.

8:44 – Biden: McCain VOTED AGAINST FUNDING! God damn it! How many times do I have to say it. Iran and Pakistan both dangerous and we should maybe attack them all. McCain thinks Iraq’s the issue, but really it’s Pakistan and if Bin Laden’s there, we’ll TAKE HIM OUT!

8:47 – Palin: Nukular. Like an American says it. I can say names of dictators! BO is SO naive. Diplomatic engagement great, but not with America-haters who hate our freedoms.

8:50 – Biden: Ahmedinawho not really in charge, so so freaking what if we talk to this nobody.McCain’s crazy and won’t talk to Spaniards.

8:51 – Palin: Two state solution: right on. Israel, we got your back. Listening Boca?

8:52 – Biden: Me and Israel totally BFFs. Bush FAIL. Blah blah.

8:54 – Palin: Bush not a total FAIL. But we’re not them, man, and we’re about the future, dude. Positive change is coming, yadda yadda.

8:55 – Biden: Look, Gwen. Gwen, look. Look. Gwen, let me tell you how stupid this dunce is. Really, they’re GWB clones.

8:56 – Palin: Nukular weapons are things people shouldn’t have except for us. Let me say dictator names again. We need Afghan surge! That’s worse than Bush, so not like him at all! Fighting terrorists and building schools for the children we’re not killing.

8:57 – Biden: Facts, matter Gwen. I’ll say it again. Some unnamed General says surge won’t work in Afghanistan. Let me say it again. 7 or 6 1/2. McCain against nuke test ban. BO, fresh off the turnip truck, all about getting nukes away from terrorists.

9:00 – Palin: It’s McClellan, dude. [But it isn’t!] And he didn’t say anything against surge strat.

9:01 – Biden: Did too say that. BO is ALL ABOUT taking it to Afghan. Bosniacs! We can be world’s humanitarian police!

9:03 – Palin: I’m just a hick, so you’re gonna have to explain this to me. Why you for the war and McCain’s strategies until you became Veep, Joe? I don’t get it! In Alaska, we did something about Darfur?

9:05 – Biden: We should intervene IF WE CAN. I never supported McCain’s strategies. Always said this thing would be a mess.

9:06 – Palin: You DID TOO support McCain and give the shaft to Obama. Pundits: Go to the tape. McCain knows how to win a war because he was tortured in one his dad helped lose.

9:07 – Biden: OMG, it would be TERRIBLE national tragedy if Joe Biden had to be president. But I would be AWESOME at it.

9:09 – Palin: I’m not so slavish as Biden. I’m a Maverick! I’d bring Wasilla to Washington, should McCain bite it. Low taxes, win war! Woo hoo!

9:10 – Biden: People at Home Depot in Wilmington know McCain’s a Bush clone who will screw them.

9:11 – Palin: Doggone it, Joe! It’s not about Bush. God bless your teacher wife, Joe. Teachers should get more dough, because my whole family is teachers. I am SO RELATABLE.

9:13 – Palin: I’m funny! I know what a veep does. Overextends executive power!

9:14 – Biden: Basically McCain is against everything good, like education. I’m a doer. As a veep, I’d be the legislative point person. I’ll always be in the room to give BO advice.

9:16 – Palin: Founding Fathers were flexible in exactly specifying the veep’s powerlessness.So maybe exec, maybe legislative. We’ll do the right thing!

9:17 – Biden: Veep is executive, damn it. Break tie votes. That’s it. Cheney is a monster.

9:18 – Palin: Job interview question. My biggest weakness? That would be being awesomely experienced as an executive and also just a regular gal. Alaska is the heartland of the Yukon.

9:20 – Biden: My weakness. Excessive passion. Ask Mrs. Biden. I’m a total busybody. And I was a single parent. And know what it’s like to worry. And I’m a totally sensitive guy and I just might cry, I want this job so much.

9:22 – Palin: Maverick, maverick, maverick. McCain’s man we need to leave, er, lead.

9:23 – Biden: McCain no maverick. He’s basically Bush’s toadie. He hates children. Being a Maverick means supporting mainstream Democratic Party platform positions. So totally not a Maverick.

9:24 – Biden: View I had to change: I think judicial philosophy matters.

9:25 – Palin: View I had to change: I wanted to veto, but couldn’t. But I don’t compromise!

9:27 – Biden: Changing the tone. Even McCain knows I work across the aisle. I never question motives. I mean, Cheney is a monster. But I don’t question motives.

9:28 – Palin: You appoint the best people. You do what it talks. I’ve got a “diverse” family. You want jobs, lower taxes, infrastructure, less spending etc. or more taxes, more spending?

9:29 – Palin: Final statement: I like tough questions without media telling you I’m stupid. McCain and i are gonna fight for families like mine. Oh, I know the joys! Proud to be American. Freedom! Gotta fight for it and pass it on or we’ll retire in tyranny. John McCain: Fighter!

9:31 – Biden: Look folks. Look. Most important election in your life. We’re in a hole. Need fundamental change. BO and me don’t measure progress by how well plutocrats do, but by mortgages, tuition, send kids off to fight, they get health care. In my neighborhood, about dignity and respect. If you work hard, you can do anything. To reestablish that sense. Champ, get up! BO is ready! God bless all of you and mostly our troops.

I am never doing that again.

Snap judgment. Palin was not a disaster. Might do something to arrest McCain slide, but fundamentally changes nothing.